A Very Hasselhoff Update

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

That was my ice breaker. Now we’ll just skip over the fact it’s been five months since my last post. Sound good to you?

I dropped another 5 episodes of Aardvark Avarice these past couple months and let me say, much like Howard the Duck, they are Nerd Humor Gold.

Just five?

Leave me alone, would you. I work a full-time job, have three kids, coach three teams, and own a home with way too much yard to mow. My podcast is not my biggest worry. It’s making sure my wife never fully realizes what she got into when she said, “I do.” That’s why much of my life is spent in my head where she can’t see it. If she actually starts listening to my podcast I could be in serious trouble.

Like John Wayne Bobbitt trouble. If you don’t remember that guy, look him up. It’s still cringy hilarious.

Don’t fret, I’m not on a podcast hiatus yet. I will drop a two-part fiction episode in about a week, with several more episodes all set to record.

Also on the horizon is a separate fiction only podcast tentatively called Aardvark Avarice Presents. Several recordings are done just waiting for the cutting room. A fiction podcast? Seriously? That’s right. There are just not enough of those in the world.

I also want to give a shout out to whoever is listening to my podcast in Germany. Du bist großartig! If you start seeing more David Hasselhoff content, you’ll know why.

Drew Barrymore’s 31st Ex

So, it’s been over three months since my last post. If I were any kind of celebrity rumors would have hit social networks that I was in rehab, becoming Drew Barrymore’s 31st ex, or dead.

One, I don’t have time to form an addiction. Two, I’m holding out for 35th ex. And three, maybe I am dead and you are all Haley Joel Osment from the Sixth Sense. Trippy, right?

Anyway, since last you heard from me I have posted six new Aardvark Avarice episodes. Let’s Corrupt the Youth: 80s Edition, the two part Halloween special The Werewolf and the Sociopath, Garbage Plate #2, Interview with The Evil Genius, and most recently, Unusual Wiki Sports Articles. I have also killed two popular slang words simply by using them in conversation. That’s fire, isn’t it. Make that three. Not to mention I’m still recovering from Superhero Fatigue. Secret Invasion really did a number on me.

Anyway, keep listening to the podcast and I will see you in March.

Not Better than Dane Cook

I warned you, I’m not one for updates. I’d rather sit through a presidential debate between primary hopefuls who have fewer supporters than Dane Cook’s Myspace page.

Over the next couple of weeks, I will be releasing some shorts on the podcast as I continue to record full episodes. One of those releases will be an introduction to our self-help segment, Ask Gorgon, hosted by Gorgon the Destroyer. Releases on our Youtube channel will come out some time after the podcast as I work on the animation. Keep in mind our staff is small (me) and our budget is even smaller (-$45.63). Don’t worry, I haven’t quit my day job, because who would want to quit an exciting career of medical billing. I’ve just added a diffuser to my office. That’s long-term baby. Incidentally listening to Rage Against the Machine’s, Killing in the Name, is not a good song to listen to when trying to find the bright side of middling management.

It’s Alive!

Aardvark Avarice is now on every podcast site I could find including some sites that may steal your identity, but hey, isn’t it worth it. The one exception is Google Podcasts. Wouldn’t you know a company that prides itself on simplicity has the most complicated podcast process? I’m working on it.

Right now, I have posted episodes 1 through 3 along with a couple Tidbits. I will endeavor to update weekly. Maybe not with actual episodes, but there will be something on there – even if it’s just me singing the National Anthem as Gollum from Lord of the Rings.

Our YouTube channel has episodes 1 through 5 along with some extras. It is currently on hiatus as I develop more content and update the animation. Remember, subscribe. That’s actually just something I feel like I have to say. I really don’t care if you subscribe or not. I see the hit count, I’m good enough with that, but if you want to subscribe, be my guest, just keep in mind I’m not going to reward you in any way. I reserve rewards for my worshipers who listen on blind faith. To those who are truly faithful, you will be rewarded in the afterlife with unending ice-cream sundaes with your choice of flavors and toppings, along with Nick at Nite twenty-four seven.